The simplest things are beginning to irritate me seriously badly. Like my friend who swears in his every day vocabulary, it never used to bother me but now it's so annoying I want to scream at him whenever I hear the word "fucking". It's always "fucking this, fucking that, ken?" and it drives me insane. I've been living in my flat for three days now and so far it's great, I love having my own space but the thing is, I've had one night just me and my boyfriend and even that was only from 3am onwards. I don't mind having my friends over but they make so much noise especially if they're drinking. I allow people to smoke in my flat but only the living room because I don't want my bedroom to smell like cigarettes. Even I only smoke in the living room. Everyone leaves the doors open so I'm constantly having to get up and close things and in my anger I slam them.
The living room door jams because the actual door is too wide at the bottom to fit securely into the frame so you have to slam it to close it properly then it gets stuck and you have to yank it open which makes a tonne of noise in the middle of the night. Back at my parents it was fine because their house is a detached one, I have people live right above me and I wouldn't like it if they were crashing about their flat in the middle of the night keeping me awake so why should I do it to them? I don't, THEY do. I guess they're less respectful of my neighbours because that's exactly what they are - they're my neighbours; not theirs.
I was trying to watch The X-Factor on TV earlier because I like the show and I've missed every episode from the beginning this year. I got about five minutes into it and my friend started moaning because he doesn't like it. I've spent the past two days watching programmes that they want to watch, I've not and I just wanted half an hour to watch the rest of the show and he kept saying he hated it and had to go into another room if it was going to be on. I eventually got fed up, threw the remote at the table, grabbed my laptop and basically stormed off into the bedroom which is where I sit now. Wayne asked me where I was going and I basically spat out at him my reasoning. I hate when I do that - he never did anything.
I hate my mood swings, one minutes I'm fine the next I'm suicidal or raging. There's no happy medium for me. I've had myself checked for manic depression but they say I'm not so then, what the fuck am I?! I'm going to push everyone away because I can't keep my temper down. I snap at people and I scream and shout and throw things and slam doors. It's getting worse. I can take so much annoyance and then I just snap, I guess like everyone but I'm snapping at seconds. I used to have an implosive anger and now it's explosive. I nearly threw a plate earlier. I've become a psycho bitch.
Even sitting in my room listening to music I enjoy, it's making me want to get out my pyjamas and go out looking for trouble. Actually, no, I want vodka.
